When I Grow Up

“What do I want to do when I grow up?” is something I asked myself quite a lot at the moment. When I was a kid I went through quite a lot of different phases of what I wanted to be, but there were a few I kept coming back to. I never really had any crazy job dreams, the list is fairly standard of what a lot of little kids want to do I think, as I was a pretty vanilla child.

Ballerina. Yeah, I think a lot of little girls have dreamed of that. I took dance lessons for years but in the end it wasn’t meant to be because a) I could never quite get it like some of the other girls (i.e. I used to copy more than I care to admit) and b) I’m far too lazy for that kind of commitment.

Vet. I wanted to be a vet for years and years, on and off. I love animals so much but now the thought of having to save their lives and (sob) not always succeed makes my insides shrivel up a little bit.

Doctor. Specifically, a paediatrician, most of the time. I think I mainly wanted to be a doctor because my dad is one and I guess I idolised him and the job. When I think about being a doctor now I have a similar response to when I think about being a vet.

Teacher. Oh how I loved the thought of being a teacher. But then I realised I’d have to literally stand up in front of ~30 people every day and talk to them oh holy shit no not public speaking. So I rapidly went off that idea. Interestingly for the last couple of months I’ve been considering being a teacher for real so I guess my life has come full circle.

At one point I did want to be a dog and spent a day or so “being a dog”; I crawled around the house, curled up on the furniture and barked at my mum. And tried to eat off the floor, with no hands. Somehow that one didn’t work out in the long run, although sometimes I look at my actual dog and think maybe it wouldn’t be a totally crazy idea to join her. But that’s just my laziness talking!

It’s funny thinking of myself as a little kid, dreaming of what real adult life would be like. Young me probably thought I’d have it all figured out by this age. I wonder if I’ll check back here in a few years and will still be asking myself what I want to do when I grow up, or if I’ll actually be grown up?



Signs That I’m Becoming An Adult

I had a surprise visit from my parents yesterday, which was amazing. My mum rang me on Sunday evening to say they’d be in London on Monday and could we meet up for dinner? Uhh well like I would say no to seeing two of my favourite people and a free meal!

I met them in Leicester Square and I didn’t realise that it was the same day as the premiere for the new X-Men film, so me and my mum  got to gawk at Hugh Jackman, James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender on the big screen for as long as possible before my dad dragged us away. Sadly we couldn’t get close enough to see them in the flesh but this was good enough for me! Everyone looked fanatastic, and I saw Jennifer Lawrence as well who I love. I was unbelievably jealous of all the people I saw going in to watch it, all the time thinking why can’t this be me?? (answer: probably because you didn’t even know it was on, duhhh)

So, during the meal my parents told me that they’re putting our house up for sale. This isn’t huge news t, my mum has wanted to move basically since we moved into our house about 10 years ago and it’s been up for sale a few times in the last couple of years but with no luck. I don’t know much about real estate and house prices and “the market”. My brother has been moved out for good for two years now, much to my parents’ joy, and now I’m at uni I guess it makes sense to try and sell the house again.

I have mixed feelings about us moving house. The first time we moved I was 9 or 10 years old and I was DEVASTATED. “How can you tear me away from my childhood home, mother? Father?” *cue tears* What an over dramatic child I was. We’ve now lived in our house longer than we had lived in our old house which is very strange to me. Anyway, I love the house we live in at the moment but the area we live in is not so great in that it’s slightly out the way and full of people who, according to my mum, “get in everybody else’s business”.

While I was still at school I hated our house because all my friends could walk to each other’s houses or even the ones a bit further away could get a quick bus, once we were old enough to be allowed to get the bus alone of course. But I had to be driven by my parents, planning was always needed. It’s not that I live miles away but that I live somewhere that doesn’t have a bus route to…well, where I needed it to. I’m still friends with some of my school friends now but I also have other friends and it’s all more spread out which makes me feel better. Plus I can drive now so I can do what I want, when I want, wherever I want. 13 year old me is seething with rage and jealously at how cool this is while her two best friends hang out without her, obviously intentionally leaving her out. (Sorry girl, but what would you do if you lived 2 minutes away from your friend’s house? Perspective. Came a bit late for me)

The last time our house was for sale I was quite upset. First of all, I’m not a huge fan of change. And I’m so settled here now and I actually love the house; even the annoying parts. Super loud, creaky floors anyone? This is the house where we got our dog, and I sat with her on the first night we brought her home, when she was just a tiny puppy, until she fell asleep. It’s the house where my brother has come home drunk so many times and woken me up for a drunken heart to heart or just because he can. It’s the house where I dyed my hair behind my mum’s back. Only a darker shade of brown, nothing too rebellious but my mum was still pissed – although maybe that’s because I got dye on her towels. Probably a bit of both. This is the house where I got my first period. I mean come on, that’s some serious attachment right there, isn’t it?

This time when they told me though, I was fine with it. I’d love it if it could happen this summer while I was at home so I could go with them to see houses and get used to the new one. But I don’t know if this kind of thing ever happens that fast and when we moved 10 years ago it took us so long to sell our house, so I won’t get my hopes up. I’m at peace with it happening though. I’ll be sad to say goodbye to our house but I know it’s what my mum wants more than anything right now, and I want my mum to be happy more than anything. I’m happy for us to move, and even, weirdly, a little excited about it. I think this is what they call growing up.