I’ll Watch You

I feel like this could be a bad omen for me as I’m going to be in an airport tomorrow to go away on holiday! I’m desperately hoping there won’t be any delays, at least not a 6 hour one anyway.

If I was stuck in an airport with no electronic devices I’m sure I’d find plenty to keep myself occupied with. One of my favourite things to do when I’m waiting somewhere is to people watch. I think an airport is the perfect place to do this because you’re often sitting around waiting for long periods of time and there’s always such a variety of people milling around! People fascinate me and I love to watch them going about their daily lives. I like to make up stories in my head about what they could be doing and what they’re thinking and so on. I’d love to actually find out things about these people. Plus, people watching in an airport I have an excuse to wear my sunglasses so I can watch without looking like I’m creepily staring at someone from across the room.

It’s why I love Humans Of New York so much, because I get a tiny bit of insight into someone’s life. The information that Brandon, the guy who runs it, manages to get out of a person in just a few minutes is amazing. I guess you could say I’m just a nosey person but I like to think of it as more just interested in the world around me!

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When I Grow Up

“What do I want to do when I grow up?” is something I asked myself quite a lot at the moment. When I was a kid I went through quite a lot of different phases of what I wanted to be, but there were a few I kept coming back to. I never really had any crazy job dreams, the list is fairly standard of what a lot of little kids want to do I think, as I was a pretty vanilla child.

Ballerina. Yeah, I think a lot of little girls have dreamed of that. I took dance lessons for years but in the end it wasn’t meant to be because a) I could never quite get it like some of the other girls (i.e. I used to copy more than I care to admit) and b) I’m far too lazy for that kind of commitment.

Vet. I wanted to be a vet for years and years, on and off. I love animals so much but now the thought of having to save their lives and (sob) not always succeed makes my insides shrivel up a little bit.

Doctor. Specifically, a paediatrician, most of the time. I think I mainly wanted to be a doctor because my dad is one and I guess I idolised him and the job. When I think about being a doctor now I have a similar response to when I think about being a vet.

Teacher. Oh how I loved the thought of being a teacher. But then I realised I’d have to literally stand up in front of ~30 people every day and talk to them oh holy shit no not public speaking. So I rapidly went off that idea. Interestingly for the last couple of months I’ve been considering being a teacher for real so I guess my life has come full circle.

At one point I did want to be a dog and spent a day or so “being a dog”; I crawled around the house, curled up on the furniture and barked at my mum. And tried to eat off the floor, with no hands. Somehow that one didn’t work out in the long run, although sometimes I look at my actual dog and think maybe it wouldn’t be a totally crazy idea to join her. But that’s just my laziness talking!

It’s funny thinking of myself as a little kid, dreaming of what real adult life would be like. Young me probably thought I’d have it all figured out by this age. I wonder if I’ll check back here in a few years and will still be asking myself what I want to do when I grow up, or if I’ll actually be grown up?

 

We Must Break The Silence

I thought today’s daily prompt was very appropriate considering the #YesAllWomen movement that has exploded over social media (mainly twitter I think) the last day or so.

I’ve read through many, many, of these tweets; women sharing their stories and experiences and telling truths – and it is the truth – that I 100% agree with always, and expressing it in such powerful ways that I could never begin to do.

A part of me wanted to get involved with it, but I was too scared of being judged by others for doing so. What gave me the strongest desire to get involved was when I saw some tweets slating these women, slating feminists and feminism and of course, bringing it back to being about something else entirely. I absolutely know that, for example, men are also the victims of domestic abuse, and it’s a very serious, legitimate issue. However, it doesn’t take away the fact that what all these women are saying is also a very serious, legitimate issue. And the thing about women being victims of sexual abuse/harassment is that it doesn’t shock us. Again, I’m not lessening it, but people tend to be shocked and surprised when it comes to male victims of domestic abuse.

One of the things I took away from #YesAllWomen is that no other woman seemed to be surprised that this was happening to pretty much every woman they know. It’s been said repeatedly, but we live in a world where people have sympathy for a man who killed several people, for no good reason, and apparently no sympathy for the victims. In case you haven’t heard about this, Elliot Rodger posted a video condemning women for not having sex with him, for being attracted to assholes instead of him, the fantastic gentlemen. I don’t know the exact details but I believe he went on about how he was going to kill or eradicate women because he’d had enough of them not wanting to have sex with him. And then he shot and stabbed several people, some who died, and then killed himself.

I’ve seen several comments of support for this man’s “cause”. Comments about how none of this would’ve happened if one of us girls had just “gone there” or “given it to him”. Yes well I don’t know the details of Rodger’s life but he seemed beyond the point where sex could have “saved him”.

Which brings me back to #YesAllWomen, which started after the shootings happened. To defend women. For not having sex with every person who felt they were entitled to sex. For “friendzoning” men. Which, I have to say, is one of the most ridiculous concepts I have ever heard of. I’m sorry (except I’m not) that not every girl you find attractive feels the same way about you and chooses to exercise her right, her personal fucking right, to say no to having sex with you and that makes you feel like you’re being used by her. And it feels to me like most of these “friendzoned” guys who claim to be, among other things, “nice guys” (you know, not like all those other jerks you associate with), turn out to be the worst guys. They attack women for, what? Not having sex with them? That to me does not make you a nice guy. It makes you the worst kind of guy. You are not entitled to anything from a woman. Anything.

I saw one tweet – by a girl – that said something along the lines of “I hate feminists, what c*nts #YesAllWomen”. I do not understand how she can have such hate for people who want to make her life better, easier, who want her not to have to suffer abuse and harassment. People who don’t actually have anything against her and she slates them in the worst way. The ignorance blows my mind.

I wish I’d said something, spoken up, to these ignorant people, especially that last girl. But I think the best thing I could’ve come up with would be “what’s your fucking problem?” which doesn’t exactly help these situations; it tends to exacerbate them more than anything else.

I’d love to be able to fully vent my anger about the fact that we are still, in 2014, teaching girls how not to get raped, blaming women for being attacked, not taking it seriously. But we’re apparently not teaching boys to not rape. Like how hard can that be to teach young, impressionable boys? Hey, don’t go out and rape girls. Done.

I wish I had the guts to tweet my support for #YesAllWomen but sadly I know I won’t. And I haven’t been able to get it out as well, or as eloquently as many others have but I do support it. And I support all other women, women braver than me who show their support openly, women who constantly experience harassment and abuse, all women everywhere.


 

This pretty much sums up the whole thing:

Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them. Margaret Atwood

Soul: Currently Being Destroyed

This week I’ve decided that revision is the best thing everI could go on forever about how much I love spending hours in front of my desk, reading through boring powerpoint after boring powerpoint, leafing through my notes and my textbooks, desperately trying to cram as much information as possible into my head. I could write an epic poem about the joy that it brings me.

Let’s not forget the wonderful feeling I get praying to anyone and anything that I might remember enough to just scrape through my exams, isn’t that the best? I just wish I could do this all year long instead of these few weeks once a year; what I wouldn’t give to have this crushing feeling on my brain (and heart) all day, every day.

And where would I be without those fantastic tears? You know the ones, where you get to that point where it feels clear that this is the end and you won’t pass, you’ll definitely fail everything and have to drop out of uni (or college or school if we choose to go back in time, oh the joy) and go home to disappointed parents and have no future, oh no now you’ll never stop crying, such a great feeling! Ha!

This post was brought to you from somewhere deep inside my soul, a tiny place, the only place that isn’t destroyed through stress and quite possibly a place that won’t be around for much longer. We’ll see in about 4-5 days. 

What Are Humans All About?

When I thought about what I’d use if asked to explain what humans are all about, using a book, film or song, one immediately came to mind. Love, Actually.

Now I know that it isn’t a particular deep or profound film, and it doesn’t delve into the complex actions and reasoning of human beings. But, to me anyway, the moral of this film is what humans are all about. All over the world and in so many different ways, people can be brought together by love. Whether it’s a childhood crush, falling in love at work, falling in love despite a barrier (language or otherwise), the love between friends, you can find love anywhere you look. It’s what keeps people going, it’s what makes us human. This film warms my heart and makes me believe in love, of any kind.

At the end of the day, as horrible and awful as humans are capable of being, (and in the least cheesiest way possible because this is one of my favourite scenes/quotes ever) I do believe that love actually is all around. I have to believe that the good will always continue to outweigh the bad.

Oh, Modern Families

From what I’ve been told about my late relatives, I think if someone in our family was to come back from the dead, my grandad (on my mum’s side) would have the most to say.

Most importantly, why my mum has married “a foreigner”, or some far more colourful words to that effect. Now, my dad was born in Britain and has lived here for his entire life, so he’s not foreign – like it’d matter – but his parents moved over from Iran after they got married, and my dad and his siblings all have Arabic names as well as the Arabic family name. And the impression I get from my mum is that her dad would not have approved. But I like to think he would’ve come around once he got used to the idea. Also not sure how he’d feel about his grandchildren being born “out of wedlock”.

I have a pretty large family but our branch of the family isn’t hugely popular with my dad’s side of it for a variety of reasons, and outside of the four of us we’re not a massively close family. My mum’s family are mostly dead, and the few who are still alive are scattered across England and America, which makes it hard to keep up with them. I always imagine what it would’ve been like to meet my maternal grandparents and the rest of my uncles though; I reckon we’d be a lot tighter with them than we are with my grandma and co.

So I dream of a relationship with a family that I’ll never meet, and of what they might think of us even though I’ll never know, but you can’t let these kind of thoughts consume you. After all, I adore my mum, my dad and my brother. Plus there’s several other family members that I love to pieces, even if I rarely see them, including some super cute baby cousins!

I suggest to myself, and anyone else in the same situation, to not think too deeply of what might have been because as a great man once said, “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live”.

This Really Does Put Me In A Better Mood

There are lots of words or phrases that’d cheer me up if I was down, it depends on the circumstance. But one that’s guaranteed to pick me up is someone saying “Oh, I like that too!” Nothing makes me happier than when someone enjoys something that I looove. It always reminds me of this quote, that I think is by C.S Lewis

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? I thought I was the only one.

It’s so true! I’ve become such close friends with a girl over the past year, and I remember one time not long after we’d met, she told me that she loves a TV show that I also love. I thought to myself “yeah, you could be really good friends with this girl”. After you know, squealing with joy because oh my god you like it too I love it do you love it I love it so much isn’t it best oh it’s the very best

People love to know that they’re not alone and they love to talk about things they’re passionate about. Sharing that is the ultimate pick me up!