I’ve read through many, many, of these tweets; women sharing their stories and experiences and telling truths – and it is the truth – that I 100% agree with always, and expressing it in such powerful ways that I could never begin to do.
A part of me wanted to get involved with it, but I was too scared of being judged by others for doing so. What gave me the strongest desire to get involved was when I saw some tweets slating these women, slating feminists and feminism and of course, bringing it back to being about something else entirely. I absolutely know that, for example, men are also the victims of domestic abuse, and it’s a very serious, legitimate issue. However, it doesn’t take away the fact that what all these women are saying is also a very serious, legitimate issue. And the thing about women being victims of sexual abuse/harassment is that it doesn’t shock us. Again, I’m not lessening it, but people tend to be shocked and surprised when it comes to male victims of domestic abuse.
One of the things I took away from #YesAllWomen is that no other woman seemed to be surprised that this was happening to pretty much every woman they know. It’s been said repeatedly, but we live in a world where people have sympathy for a man who killed several people, for no good reason, and apparently no sympathy for the victims. In case you haven’t heard about this, Elliot Rodger posted a video condemning women for not having sex with him, for being attracted to assholes instead of him, the fantastic gentlemen. I don’t know the exact details but I believe he went on about how he was going to kill or eradicate women because he’d had enough of them not wanting to have sex with him. And then he shot and stabbed several people, some who died, and then killed himself.
I’ve seen several comments of support for this man’s “cause”. Comments about how none of this would’ve happened if one of us girls had just “gone there” or “given it to him”. Yes well I don’t know the details of Rodger’s life but he seemed beyond the point where sex could have “saved him”.
Which brings me back to #YesAllWomen, which started after the shootings happened. To defend women. For not having sex with every person who felt they were entitled to sex. For “friendzoning” men. Which, I have to say, is one of the most ridiculous concepts I have ever heard of. I’m sorry (except I’m not) that not every girl you find attractive feels the same way about you and chooses to exercise her right, her personal fucking right, to say no to having sex with you and that makes you feel like you’re being used by her. And it feels to me like most of these “friendzoned” guys who claim to be, among other things, “nice guys” (you know, not like all those other jerks you associate with), turn out to be the worst guys. They attack women for, what? Not having sex with them? That to me does not make you a nice guy. It makes you the worst kind of guy. You are not entitled to anything from a woman. Anything.
I saw one tweet – by a girl – that said something along the lines of “I hate feminists, what c*nts #YesAllWomen”. I do not understand how she can have such hate for people who want to make her life better, easier, who want her not to have to suffer abuse and harassment. People who don’t actually have anything against her and she slates them in the worst way. The ignorance blows my mind.
I wish I’d said something, spoken up, to these ignorant people, especially that last girl. But I think the best thing I could’ve come up with would be “what’s your fucking problem?” which doesn’t exactly help these situations; it tends to exacerbate them more than anything else.
I’d love to be able to fully vent my anger about the fact that we are still, in 2014, teaching girls how not to get raped, blaming women for being attacked, not taking it seriously. But we’re apparently not teaching boys to not rape. Like how hard can that be to teach young, impressionable boys? Hey, don’t go out and rape girls. Done.
I wish I had the guts to tweet my support for #YesAllWomen but sadly I know I won’t. And I haven’t been able to get it out as well, or as eloquently as many others have but I do support it. And I support all other women, women braver than me who show their support openly, women who constantly experience harassment and abuse, all women everywhere.
This pretty much sums up the whole thing:
Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them. Margaret Atwood