5 Things That Make No Sense To Me

I love a list. I have notebooks all over the place filled with lists of what I need to do, what I want to do, what I need to see. I have lists in progress and completed lists. I’m currently making a list of everything I need to do before leaving my student halls. Right now though, I want to list things that don’t make any sense (to me, anyway).

Excessive hashtagging. I use hashtags, on instagram and from time to time on twitter. I get what they’re for and blah blah blah; I don’t have a problem with hashtags as a whole. I just don’t understand people who post a picture of themselves and hashtag it as so: #me #myself #i #girl #selfie #person #woman #[insert own name here]  #picture #photo #hat #dress #shoe #sock #bra #knickers. You get the idea. Another thing that makes no sense where hashtags are concerned is this: you post a picture of you and your best friend, it’s very nice. You add hashtags, because why wouldn’t you? But they go something like this: #best #friend #love #you #friends #forever. Now to me, that misses the point of hashtagging. Surely it should be #bestfriend #loveyou #friendsforever? Am I missing something here?  Where will the madness end?

Being mean to people who are only trying to help you. Possibly my biggest pet peeve, because it makes absolutely no sense to me, I can barely understand the mentality of it. Oh, you don’t like your food? Well yeah, attack the waiter because they were the ones who cooked it, not the ones who simply brought it to you. Oh, you’re having a bad day? Obviously it’s the nice sales assistant’s fault who’s only trying to help you, please continue to shout at them.

Spencer MatthewsFrom Made in Chelsea. If you don’t know what it is, it’s a TV show that follows the lives of some rich people and it’s the most awkward show I’ve ever watched, and I only watch it from time to time. Anyway, my brother loves Spencer and I’m sure there are other people out there who do too but I do not get it at all. He went on holiday with I think 3 of his exes and the girl he was currently seeing (which is insane in the first place) and he ended up sleeping with one of his exes. Not the girl he’d brought with him, a girl who he’d previously treated like shit and who apparently “hated him”. Right there on the holiday! This is one of many reasons he makes no sense to me and I will continue to be baffled by him probably forever.

Why people say they wish they had hair like mine. Trust me, you don’t. Yeah it’s occasionally fabulously wavy. But mainly it’s thick and it’s frizzy and I only brush it before and after it’s washed (to keep the occasional waves the rest of the time) so it’s usually knotty.  And sure, maybe if you had my hair you wouldn’t be as lazy as I am and would do something like straighten it every day so it looked good always. But guess what? Doing that every day would mean you don’t actually want this hair, you want luscious straight locks that don’t look so thick.

People who ditch their friends as soon as they get a boyfriend/girlfriend. This literally makes zero sense to me, I can’t get my head around what must go through their minds? I lost my very best friend because of this. I mean, it can’t be blamed solely on this but it was a very big contributor. She never had much time for me when she had a boyfriend but she got together with this one in particular at a time where our lives were going in different directions and it was worse than before. Even almost 3 years later it breaks my heart thinking about it because I genuinely thought we would be friends, if not forever then certainly for a long, long time. This girl was my soulmate and now the only interactions we have are generic texted happy birthdays, merry christmases and happy new years. We had other problems in our friendship yeah, but I genuinely believe we could’ve at least tried to sort them out. But it just got too hard for me to keep trying to make the effort to see her, so I had to let it go.

There are many, many (many) other things that don’t make any sense but it could just turn into a rant and I need to finish packing up my room so I’ll leave it at these!



When I Grow Up

“What do I want to do when I grow up?” is something I asked myself quite a lot at the moment. When I was a kid I went through quite a lot of different phases of what I wanted to be, but there were a few I kept coming back to. I never really had any crazy job dreams, the list is fairly standard of what a lot of little kids want to do I think, as I was a pretty vanilla child.

Ballerina. Yeah, I think a lot of little girls have dreamed of that. I took dance lessons for years but in the end it wasn’t meant to be because a) I could never quite get it like some of the other girls (i.e. I used to copy more than I care to admit) and b) I’m far too lazy for that kind of commitment.

Vet. I wanted to be a vet for years and years, on and off. I love animals so much but now the thought of having to save their lives and (sob) not always succeed makes my insides shrivel up a little bit.

Doctor. Specifically, a paediatrician, most of the time. I think I mainly wanted to be a doctor because my dad is one and I guess I idolised him and the job. When I think about being a doctor now I have a similar response to when I think about being a vet.

Teacher. Oh how I loved the thought of being a teacher. But then I realised I’d have to literally stand up in front of ~30 people every day and talk to them oh holy shit no not public speaking. So I rapidly went off that idea. Interestingly for the last couple of months I’ve been considering being a teacher for real so I guess my life has come full circle.

At one point I did want to be a dog and spent a day or so “being a dog”; I crawled around the house, curled up on the furniture and barked at my mum. And tried to eat off the floor, with no hands. Somehow that one didn’t work out in the long run, although sometimes I look at my actual dog and think maybe it wouldn’t be a totally crazy idea to join her. But that’s just my laziness talking!

It’s funny thinking of myself as a little kid, dreaming of what real adult life would be like. Young me probably thought I’d have it all figured out by this age. I wonder if I’ll check back here in a few years and will still be asking myself what I want to do when I grow up, or if I’ll actually be grown up?


We Must Break The Silence

I thought today’s daily prompt was very appropriate considering the #YesAllWomen movement that has exploded over social media (mainly twitter I think) the last day or so.

I’ve read through many, many, of these tweets; women sharing their stories and experiences and telling truths – and it is the truth – that I 100% agree with always, and expressing it in such powerful ways that I could never begin to do.

A part of me wanted to get involved with it, but I was too scared of being judged by others for doing so. What gave me the strongest desire to get involved was when I saw some tweets slating these women, slating feminists and feminism and of course, bringing it back to being about something else entirely. I absolutely know that, for example, men are also the victims of domestic abuse, and it’s a very serious, legitimate issue. However, it doesn’t take away the fact that what all these women are saying is also a very serious, legitimate issue. And the thing about women being victims of sexual abuse/harassment is that it doesn’t shock us. Again, I’m not lessening it, but people tend to be shocked and surprised when it comes to male victims of domestic abuse.

One of the things I took away from #YesAllWomen is that no other woman seemed to be surprised that this was happening to pretty much every woman they know. It’s been said repeatedly, but we live in a world where people have sympathy for a man who killed several people, for no good reason, and apparently no sympathy for the victims. In case you haven’t heard about this, Elliot Rodger posted a video condemning women for not having sex with him, for being attracted to assholes instead of him, the fantastic gentlemen. I don’t know the exact details but I believe he went on about how he was going to kill or eradicate women because he’d had enough of them not wanting to have sex with him. And then he shot and stabbed several people, some who died, and then killed himself.

I’ve seen several comments of support for this man’s “cause”. Comments about how none of this would’ve happened if one of us girls had just “gone there” or “given it to him”. Yes well I don’t know the details of Rodger’s life but he seemed beyond the point where sex could have “saved him”.

Which brings me back to #YesAllWomen, which started after the shootings happened. To defend women. For not having sex with every person who felt they were entitled to sex. For “friendzoning” men. Which, I have to say, is one of the most ridiculous concepts I have ever heard of. I’m sorry (except I’m not) that not every girl you find attractive feels the same way about you and chooses to exercise her right, her personal fucking right, to say no to having sex with you and that makes you feel like you’re being used by her. And it feels to me like most of these “friendzoned” guys who claim to be, among other things, “nice guys” (you know, not like all those other jerks you associate with), turn out to be the worst guys. They attack women for, what? Not having sex with them? That to me does not make you a nice guy. It makes you the worst kind of guy. You are not entitled to anything from a woman. Anything.

I saw one tweet – by a girl – that said something along the lines of “I hate feminists, what c*nts #YesAllWomen”. I do not understand how she can have such hate for people who want to make her life better, easier, who want her not to have to suffer abuse and harassment. People who don’t actually have anything against her and she slates them in the worst way. The ignorance blows my mind.

I wish I’d said something, spoken up, to these ignorant people, especially that last girl. But I think the best thing I could’ve come up with would be “what’s your fucking problem?” which doesn’t exactly help these situations; it tends to exacerbate them more than anything else.

I’d love to be able to fully vent my anger about the fact that we are still, in 2014, teaching girls how not to get raped, blaming women for being attacked, not taking it seriously. But we’re apparently not teaching boys to not rape. Like how hard can that be to teach young, impressionable boys? Hey, don’t go out and rape girls. Done.

I wish I had the guts to tweet my support for #YesAllWomen but sadly I know I won’t. And I haven’t been able to get it out as well, or as eloquently as many others have but I do support it. And I support all other women, women braver than me who show their support openly, women who constantly experience harassment and abuse, all women everywhere.


This pretty much sums up the whole thing:

Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them. Margaret Atwood


Nothing is permanent in this wicked world. Not even our troubles.

I’m using my annoying lack of sleepiness to share one of my favourite ever quotes. I love collecting quotes (mainly, as with this one, from the start and end of episodes of Criminal Minds; lame I know) because words cheer me up when I need them to and they can also put things, like my life, into perspective.

So this is for anyone else struggling like I am with work and exams at the moment, and just anyone having a bit of hard time.

The wise words of Charles Chaplin.

Soul: Currently Being Destroyed

This week I’ve decided that revision is the best thing everI could go on forever about how much I love spending hours in front of my desk, reading through boring powerpoint after boring powerpoint, leafing through my notes and my textbooks, desperately trying to cram as much information as possible into my head. I could write an epic poem about the joy that it brings me.

Let’s not forget the wonderful feeling I get praying to anyone and anything that I might remember enough to just scrape through my exams, isn’t that the best? I just wish I could do this all year long instead of these few weeks once a year; what I wouldn’t give to have this crushing feeling on my brain (and heart) all day, every day.

And where would I be without those fantastic tears? You know the ones, where you get to that point where it feels clear that this is the end and you won’t pass, you’ll definitely fail everything and have to drop out of uni (or college or school if we choose to go back in time, oh the joy) and go home to disappointed parents and have no future, oh no now you’ll never stop crying, such a great feeling! Ha!

This post was brought to you from somewhere deep inside my soul, a tiny place, the only place that isn’t destroyed through stress and quite possibly a place that won’t be around for much longer. We’ll see in about 4-5 days. 

Oh TV, Why Must You Hurt Me So?

It’s a bad week for TV this week, in that pretty much everything I watch is wrapping up for the season. Mainly my two favourite shows; Grey’s Anatomy and Criminal Minds. I’ve watched them both, and I cried at both, especially Grey’s Anatomy which is always an emotional rollercoaster but more so this week as it was Sandra Oh’s last episode. Oh god even writing that makes me want to start crying again. I’m heartbroken that she’s left.

For me her last episode was perfect, Shonda Rhimes did not let me down. I had a niggling feeling that she might do something awful like kill Cristina off so I can’t tell you how relieved I am that she didn’t! The moment where she comes up to Alex and we all see that she’s alive I was like yes I can start breathing again thank the lord. This episode also gave me what I think is my new favourite ever scene from Grey’s which I can’t stop watching, and one of my favourite speeches they’ve ever done. I love a good inspirational/emotional speech and this show does them so well but Cristina’s to Meredith about not being a hero, looking after Owen, looking after Alex was amazing. And when she told Meredith that Derek is “not the sun. You are”, I was finished off. Part of me cannot wait for the next series but another part is a bit apprehensive about what it’ll be like without Cristina in it. I guess we’ll soon see! The only part that made me sad was that she didn’t get a proper goodbye with Callie; I feel like they’ve got a special connection and you didn’t get to see them together one last time, which was a shame. I really loved the goodbye scene with Bailey and Webber though, it was exactly what I wanted.

Also, I won’t lie, I was slightly disappointed  that the explosion at the mall wasn’t a terrorist attack; it felt a bit anticlimactic. It would’ve been different to things they’ve done before, but I suppose it would’ve been too much with Cristina leaving in the same episode.

With Criminal Minds, I was super nervous beforehand because I’d seen all over twitter etc that someone was going to be leaving and I didn’t want it to be anyone. The only person I was okay with leaving was Blake, because while I really liked her, I wasn’t as committed to her as I am to every other character, so I was relieved when it turned out to actually be her. Before we saw it, me and my friend spent a lot of time when we should’ve been working coming up with theories of who it could be. Too much time. I didn’t think it would be Reid or Morgan because yeah they got shot but it was so obvious. My friend disagreed. I thought they might throw a curve ball and it would be Hotch or someone because he hasn’t had a lot of central action recently. She was convinced it wouldn’t be Blake. I did love the episode though, I love to see them all coming together as a family. And I was surprised when it turned out that the whole police force were in on it, I wasn’t expecting there to be that level of corruption!

I wonder if they’ll bring in someone new or leave it at the six of them? I kinda hope they just leave it for now, they’re a perfect group in my eyes.

So two great season finales in my opinion, but also heartbreaking. What am I going to waste my time doing now?! September can’t come quick enough!

What Are Humans All About?

When I thought about what I’d use if asked to explain what humans are all about, using a book, film or song, one immediately came to mind. Love, Actually.

Now I know that it isn’t a particular deep or profound film, and it doesn’t delve into the complex actions and reasoning of human beings. But, to me anyway, the moral of this film is what humans are all about. All over the world and in so many different ways, people can be brought together by love. Whether it’s a childhood crush, falling in love at work, falling in love despite a barrier (language or otherwise), the love between friends, you can find love anywhere you look. It’s what keeps people going, it’s what makes us human. This film warms my heart and makes me believe in love, of any kind.

At the end of the day, as horrible and awful as humans are capable of being, (and in the least cheesiest way possible because this is one of my favourite scenes/quotes ever) I do believe that love actually is all around. I have to believe that the good will always continue to outweigh the bad.